The Language of Love

Holly came to see us last week.  Her and Matt made dinner and we talked and laughed.  After dinner, we climbed onto the bed like in the good old days and we watched the wedding singer.  I was snuggled in between my eternal companion and my best friend.  They have been with me through everything and this feeling of absolute and all-encompassing love came over me.  Of course, they were both snoring….sound asleep, but I thought about how I love both of them the same, but show it in very different ways.  Holly was a psych major in college and we have had many discussions on the 5 different love languages.  Here they are in brief:

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

My primary love language is gift giving.  I love to give people things and I LOVE to celebrate anything….. birthdays, TV shows, holidays.  Along with that I also love to receive things, and Matt knows it.  Whenever I am having a horrible day, he comes home with a bag of licorice, or a movie, or a coupon for a massage.  On the opposite end of the scale, the love language I struggle with the most if physical touch.  I’m not a fan of hugging, or giving someone a pat on the back, it is not because I don’t love them, I just show it in other ways.  However, Matt’s primary love language IS physical touch.  He LOVES hugging, and cuddling in bed, and giving pecks on the cheek, and running his fingers through your hair, and slapping someone on the back, and picking up our kids and cradling them in his arms.  So when he is having a bad day, a big hug and cuddling makes him feel better.
Holly’s obvious love language is Quality Time.  She loves to hang out or make herself available for any and everyone who needs her.  We love spending time together and laughing and remembering the hundreds and thousands of memories and inside jokes.  It’s great.
I started thinking about my children and how they express love.  Bailee loves physical touch.  She is always giving you a hug or holding your hand.  She loves, loves, loves getting her back scratched and tickled.  Jeremy however needs words of affirmation.  If he sees you are having a bad day he sits down and tells that he loves you and then he lists reasons why.  He also loves to hear how proud we are of him and how he is doing a great job.

I know that love is expressed in a million different ways that change as time moves forward, but the most important thing is that my house is filled with those that I love.

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”
-- Jane Howard